Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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