I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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