I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
