My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
