i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
