wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
