New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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