They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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