Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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