I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
