What a fucking waste of an outfit
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
