Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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