Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
my god I love twenty year old dicks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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