My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
