I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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