he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
