Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
