he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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