Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
