Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
