You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
