He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
