Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
