How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
