Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
