when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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