Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
