I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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