This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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