i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
