My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
