i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
