Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
