Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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