Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
