At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The air was thick with penises
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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