my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
