were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So vagazzling was a success
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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