When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
