absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
