I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
