Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
