is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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