if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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