yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
