he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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