I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
