She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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