I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I FOUND THE LEGS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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