I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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