Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
