Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
