Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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