So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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