I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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