I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
