woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
