first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
