we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
