Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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