Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
